I tell people sometimes about my ex boyfriend who used to order chicken Caesar salad every time we went out to eat and how much it bothered me. I even go so far as to say that it has a direct correlation to our breakup. People think its hilarious or that I am exaggerating. But no, something about it really irked me that he ordered it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Granted that is not a reason to not be with someone forever but small annoyances really add up. I used to be friends with the same ex-boyfriends ex-girlfriend (if you can follow that) and naturally we talked about him. She told me that she had broken up with him because he was shorter than her. However, it wasn't the obvious reason, but because she thought if she really loved him, it wouldn't have bothered her. Ordering chicken Caesar salad wasn't the worst thing in the world, but it bothered me because it was a metaphor for his inability to try new things in love and THAT drove me crazy.
Everyone has their dealbreakers. It could be something that prevents you from sleeping with someone, dating them or something that leads to the breakup down the road. I am the queen of ridiculous dealbreakers and impossibly high standards, so this post isn't about rising above that. However I think it is important to know exactly what your dealbreakers are. It causes more harm to try to enter into a relationship with someone knowing something about them is not to your tastes. It is impossible to try to change someone and you shouldn't want someone who was being fake anyway. So if your potential mate has an annoying quirk, it will become downright intolerable during any argument. Trust me.
Know your type and know what you are looking for. It isn't fair to someone to string them alone if you can't stand how they lisp or nervously rub their ear. (Not that those things bother me. Okay, yes, yes they do!) Just be realistic. You probably aren't perfect so don't expect your future partner to be. Unless of course, your future partner is me!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Shit I Wish Girls Knew About Riding Solo
When I was in college, I frequently went out to eat by myself. It got to the point where I was having planned once a week dinners by myself at Olive Garden, ordering the works. No one was there to watch me devour an appetizer, a meal AND a dessert. It was lovely. The best part however, was the simple relaxing. I wasn't trying to entertain anyone or gracefully talk whilst avoiding talking with food in my mouth. Sometimes I brought a book and sometimes I just sat and pondered. And this is a habit that I have carried through in my jaunts all over the world. I go out, grab a bite to eat or go to a movie solo and just enjoy my time. I don't get lonely, because I think I am pretty dang entertaining.
Due to social media, communications and all jazz so prevalent in today's society, people are accustomed to constantly having someone to talk to. But it is important to be comfortable by yourself and with yourself. Because if you don't want to hang out with yourself, why would anyone else want to?
I have already written about having your own hobbies and interests but hobbies can include other people. What I am talking about is simply solo time, where you relax and unwind. It can be as simple as taking a bubble bath or a whole night entertainment to stay in, paint your nails etc. Your activities don't matter so much as the process. If you cannot entertain your own self, who is predispositioned to like you, you certainly aren't going to be able to entertain someone else. A healthy self image is so important, because in normal stable relationships you can't lose sight of yourself.
Maybe you have a wicked sense of humor or a love of hiking, but you should take something you like to do and integrate your loved one into that habit. However, if they are busy one day, the doesn't mean ditch it altogether. Strap on those hiking boots and go for a walk. Swing by the comedy club and have a laugh. If you can't entertain yourself, you will not be able to entertain anyone else. And if you don't like you, no one else will either. (Well, not any normal, decent guy that you would want) You need to bring something to the table, that makes people want to be with you. Being desperate, clingy and unable to hang out alone is not that thing.
Due to social media, communications and all jazz so prevalent in today's society, people are accustomed to constantly having someone to talk to. But it is important to be comfortable by yourself and with yourself. Because if you don't want to hang out with yourself, why would anyone else want to?
I have already written about having your own hobbies and interests but hobbies can include other people. What I am talking about is simply solo time, where you relax and unwind. It can be as simple as taking a bubble bath or a whole night entertainment to stay in, paint your nails etc. Your activities don't matter so much as the process. If you cannot entertain your own self, who is predispositioned to like you, you certainly aren't going to be able to entertain someone else. A healthy self image is so important, because in normal stable relationships you can't lose sight of yourself.
Maybe you have a wicked sense of humor or a love of hiking, but you should take something you like to do and integrate your loved one into that habit. However, if they are busy one day, the doesn't mean ditch it altogether. Strap on those hiking boots and go for a walk. Swing by the comedy club and have a laugh. If you can't entertain yourself, you will not be able to entertain anyone else. And if you don't like you, no one else will either. (Well, not any normal, decent guy that you would want) You need to bring something to the table, that makes people want to be with you. Being desperate, clingy and unable to hang out alone is not that thing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)