I don't think I am particularly easy to annoy. I have spent the past five years or so working with children (and foreigners), which I think means I am a fairly patient individual. However there are things that ladies do/say that REALLY get under my skin. Which I figure means it annoys the world in general. Which means you should stop doing it.
1. Using the phrase "I am a really good listener". REALLY?!? Did you just listen to yourself sound like a douchebag? I either want to tell you or I don't. Assuring me that you are a good listener just reassured me that I fact, do not want to.
2. Calling someone "my man" or "my boo" or any derivative of this. Yes, those are your shoes. Yes that is your handbag. I am pretty sure however that any fellow human being belongs to themselves. (I am okay with definitive ownership such as MY sister, MY cousin or even MY boyfriend. But he's his own man.)
3. Starting a sentence with "I wasn't supposed to tell anyone but..." Oh you weren't supposed to tell anybody? THEN DO NOT TELL ANYONE. Are you out there spilling my secrets to the world to? Saying this to me pretty much guarantees I will never tell you anything again. The only exceptions to this rule are spouses, roommates and if your friend's boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on them.
4. Talking on the phone while ordering food/going through a check out line/in the dressing room. Oh are you solving the national debt or curing cancer? No? Then put the goddamn phone down. It can wait. Not only does nobody need to hear your private business, it is incredibly rude to not acknowledge the fellow human being trying to serve you.
5. Pretending they're stupid. How is this still happening? I get some females are literally just stupid (Don't get me wrong, some men are too) but even more ignorant than actually being dumb is pretending to be so guys will have an interest in. If he's too unintelligent to appreciate how smart you are then he A. Doesn't deserve you and B. Will probably bore you to tears anyway. Stop doing this. Females everywhere are ashamed of you.
6. Wearing those bras with the clear plastic straps. We can still see them.
7. Saying "I'm not trying to be mean but..." or "No offense but...". YOU'RE ONLY DOING IT TO BE MEAN OR OFFENSIVE. And that's fine by me, but at least own up to it.
8. I shouldn't admit this one because people used to do it to me all the time just to irritate me but, texting someone and then never responding when they answer. It's especially grating when it's a message like "guess what?" Bitch you just asked a question! Why would you put the phone down? You had to know an answer was coming!
9. And lastly, saying you were too busy to answer a text. I get that in the moment I texted you, you may have been otherwise occupied. However I refuse to believe you literally are busy for the rest of your life and cannot EVER respond. Therein lies the beauty of text messaging. It sits there waiting until you are ready for it. Just freaking respond. Even if it is just "lol"
I'm sure there are more. Everyone has their own annoyances but I feel these are so universally irksome that it baffles me people still do/say them. (Except for the bra thing. That could just be me)
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Shit I Wish Girls Knew About Perspectives
A friend of mine is color blind. Exceptionally color blind. Theoretically I knew that and understood it but still would get frustrated when I would ask something like the color of his new truck and he wouldn't know. It would happen on a pretty regular basis until eventually he got fed up with me, pulled out his phone and showed me an app on it that showed the world through his eyes. (Side note, the world through his eyes includes a lot of grey. I like to think this is why he mocks my hair color) This was a defining moment for me. Even though intellectually I knew the way he saw the world was different from me, it wasn't until I experienced it for myself that I really caught on.
I know this is something I personally struggle with and I think it is pretty common. It's all about viewpoint. Recently a few different people and I have had conversations about their past romantic interest in me and each time I had been completely blown away. I had no idea and just assumed their friendly flirting was just that. I had figured if they were not making more overt moves on what I figured were my pretty blatant romantic intentions then they weren't actually interested. Well it turns out they figured the same about me. Not only did we each see ourselves as being pretty forward, we also saw the other person's interest as lighthearted. Because of that none of us made a move and it was all due to how we each interpreted the same situation.
This also happens a lot in the beginning stages of relationships, whether they be causal or more serious. One person may interpret something such as sleeping together as being in a relationship while their partner may look at it as just "having fun". It all depends on your perspective of what dating actually is.
What I have learned from all of these experiences is the importance of being straightforward. Until you undergo what someone else has gone through exactly, your perspectives are never going to be exactly the same. And that's okay. Different viewpoints are what make a relationship great and what make the world go around. It is just important to recognize those differences and not assume that everyone's mind works as yours does. Because so far, I've found no one whose mind works even remotely similar to mine! ;)
I know this is something I personally struggle with and I think it is pretty common. It's all about viewpoint. Recently a few different people and I have had conversations about their past romantic interest in me and each time I had been completely blown away. I had no idea and just assumed their friendly flirting was just that. I had figured if they were not making more overt moves on what I figured were my pretty blatant romantic intentions then they weren't actually interested. Well it turns out they figured the same about me. Not only did we each see ourselves as being pretty forward, we also saw the other person's interest as lighthearted. Because of that none of us made a move and it was all due to how we each interpreted the same situation.
This also happens a lot in the beginning stages of relationships, whether they be causal or more serious. One person may interpret something such as sleeping together as being in a relationship while their partner may look at it as just "having fun". It all depends on your perspective of what dating actually is.
What I have learned from all of these experiences is the importance of being straightforward. Until you undergo what someone else has gone through exactly, your perspectives are never going to be exactly the same. And that's okay. Different viewpoints are what make a relationship great and what make the world go around. It is just important to recognize those differences and not assume that everyone's mind works as yours does. Because so far, I've found no one whose mind works even remotely similar to mine! ;)
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Shit I Wish Girls Knew About the Magical Vajayjay
Semi recently two friends of mine started hooking up. He had been my friend longer and I knew him pretty well. I knew he wasn't looking for anything serious and that she was. When I expressed these concerns to her, she brushed me aside and hopped into the sack with him. She was hoping for a long term relationship to build from the sex. Needless to say, it did not. It in fact ended in devastation when she realized I was right all along.
My best friend was recently telling me about her coworker who lost her virginity to her ex boyfriend and tried to build a lasting relationship with him built on that. She even tried to convert him to her religion. Obviously, they didn't last either.
Ladies, please take note. Your vagina does not have magical powers. It cannot make someone love you. They may love what you can do with it, but that doesn't mean they love the person that comes along with the vagina. Using sex to build a relationship or to try to get what you want out of one is wrong. Sleeping with someone shouldn't be used as a bargaining chip or to manipulate.
Every female out there is equipped with lady business. He could go out and find any single one of them to use for sex. He should want to be with you for who you are, not for sleeping with him. Giving it up isn't going to lead to him giving you a ring.
Guys want to be with you for what's in your mind, not what's between your legs. There's a difference between being WITH you and occasionally being IN you. Don't try to lure him in with your vajay. It's not magic and it's not a bear trap. It isn't that special gals. We all have one...
My best friend was recently telling me about her coworker who lost her virginity to her ex boyfriend and tried to build a lasting relationship with him built on that. She even tried to convert him to her religion. Obviously, they didn't last either.
Ladies, please take note. Your vagina does not have magical powers. It cannot make someone love you. They may love what you can do with it, but that doesn't mean they love the person that comes along with the vagina. Using sex to build a relationship or to try to get what you want out of one is wrong. Sleeping with someone shouldn't be used as a bargaining chip or to manipulate.
Every female out there is equipped with lady business. He could go out and find any single one of them to use for sex. He should want to be with you for who you are, not for sleeping with him. Giving it up isn't going to lead to him giving you a ring.
Guys want to be with you for what's in your mind, not what's between your legs. There's a difference between being WITH you and occasionally being IN you. Don't try to lure him in with your vajay. It's not magic and it's not a bear trap. It isn't that special gals. We all have one...
Friday, April 18, 2014
Shit I Wish Girls Knew About Being Mindy
I feel like we all have a list of celebrities that we want to be our best friend. (Mine includes James Franco, along with the vain hope that we become the kind of friends who change in front of each other) I think I over-identify with Jennifer Lawrence and truly want to be her best friend. However I feel like Jennifer Lawrence is more akin to the me at 22. I think the real celebrity me is Mindy Kaling.
I'm gonna be straight up with you. I love me some Mindy Kaling. If you have no idea who she is, google her. She's hilarious. [If you haven't read her book go do so now. Seriously. Why are you still reading this blog? Go buy her book! (Oh the bookstores are closed? That's why you should have a Kindle, you asshole. For book emergencies)] I adore her show. Like actually love it.
Now I know she's not everyone's cup of tea, but here is why she should be. First off, she writes her show and produces it. Yes that means she is crazy talented but it also means she writes her shitshow character. Yes she's a doctor, but literally nothing else about her life is together. She wears pajamas to work, she is a tad overweight, she is crazed in relationships and she is so messy that she didn't immediately realize she had been robbed. We have all been there. (I mean, who doesn't occasionally wake up confused in a bed with cookie dough and hot sauce as bed mates?)
Nowadays my life is filled with constant freaking perky updates about how perfect all my social media friends' lives are. There are pictures of cute little babies and handsome husbands and life fulfilling careers. It was only very recently that I stopped bribing housekeepers for tables and bartenders for cups so I could get drunk playing beer pong with one dollar smirnoffs. And while I would like to tell you I went from avoiding life by sailing around the world to being a responsible grown adult, that would be a lie. And then lucky for me another post crops up detailing Jr's amazing feat, Mom's flawless meal she whipped up between saving a life in surgery and Dad looking smoking hot in his lawyer suit. Don't get me wrong friends, I'm glad you are all doing so well. But seriously, stop posting about it.
Nobody ever posts that they got dumped and went a little slutty and had a goal of sleeping with a guy from every continent. But I'm sure they do. People are constantly doing stupid things right? I can't be the only one without my life together. Luckily I have Mindy Kaling in my life to remind me that I'm not. Even if she is a super rich celebrity...
I'm gonna be straight up with you. I love me some Mindy Kaling. If you have no idea who she is, google her. She's hilarious. [If you haven't read her book go do so now. Seriously. Why are you still reading this blog? Go buy her book! (Oh the bookstores are closed? That's why you should have a Kindle, you asshole. For book emergencies)] I adore her show. Like actually love it.
Now I know she's not everyone's cup of tea, but here is why she should be. First off, she writes her show and produces it. Yes that means she is crazy talented but it also means she writes her shitshow character. Yes she's a doctor, but literally nothing else about her life is together. She wears pajamas to work, she is a tad overweight, she is crazed in relationships and she is so messy that she didn't immediately realize she had been robbed. We have all been there. (I mean, who doesn't occasionally wake up confused in a bed with cookie dough and hot sauce as bed mates?)
Nowadays my life is filled with constant freaking perky updates about how perfect all my social media friends' lives are. There are pictures of cute little babies and handsome husbands and life fulfilling careers. It was only very recently that I stopped bribing housekeepers for tables and bartenders for cups so I could get drunk playing beer pong with one dollar smirnoffs. And while I would like to tell you I went from avoiding life by sailing around the world to being a responsible grown adult, that would be a lie. And then lucky for me another post crops up detailing Jr's amazing feat, Mom's flawless meal she whipped up between saving a life in surgery and Dad looking smoking hot in his lawyer suit. Don't get me wrong friends, I'm glad you are all doing so well. But seriously, stop posting about it.
Nobody ever posts that they got dumped and went a little slutty and had a goal of sleeping with a guy from every continent. But I'm sure they do. People are constantly doing stupid things right? I can't be the only one without my life together. Luckily I have Mindy Kaling in my life to remind me that I'm not. Even if she is a super rich celebrity...
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Shit I Wish Girls Knew About Snooping
Ten years ago (this very month!) my best friend and I embarked on a very exciting school trip to DC. We decided that we hadn't paid all that money just to hang out with the same old people from school and so we plopped ourselves at a random breakfast table with students from other places. One of the students was a very cute guy from the good ole Lone Star state. We became friends and stayed in touch even after the trip was over. One day while checking my email I came across one from the Lone Star cutie's girlfriend. She was highly unimpressed by our friendship and had some not very flattering things to say. I wrote back and apologized and explained we were just friends but that if it bothered her I would stop talking to him. She ended up apologizing and we all went on our merry way.
While yes, it was immature of her to snoop through his messages and attack me, she did man up and apologize. And also at this time she was only SIXTEEN. You are allowed to be immature at that age. Fast forward to nowadays and it isn't so acceptable. I woke up this morning to a less than complimentary FB message (my how times have changed!) from a long time friend's girlfriend. I have never met this person but I had heard about her from my friend. In man friendships it is very common to give each other a lot of shit. He gave me some shit about my boyfriends and naturally I had to give him some back about his girlfriend. We both laughed it off, because we know it was all good natured. She apparently read his messages and did not feel it was good natured. She then proceeded to ask me while I stay in contact with "her man". (Side note I actively hate the phrase "my man". He's a person, not a pair of shoes)
So many things are wrong with this entire situation. First of all, don't read other peoples messages. Nothing good can ever come of that. And I am vehemently opposed to the snooping through of your boyfriends'/girlfriends' messages. If you don't trust someone else enough to not creep through their messages then you obviously shouldn't be with them. If for whatever reason you accidentally peruse their messages and come across messages from the opposite gender you are ONLY allowed to be mad if the message contains something like "Thanks for the sex last night!/BJs later today?/You're so much better in bed than so and so". You are NOT allowed to be mad at messages like "I really miss the fast food/junk food in MA" or "I'm happy that you think you're girlfriend is a keeper! You deserve it!"
Then, once you've snooped and discovered something that apparently fills you with rage the next logical thing to do is to talk it out with YOUR BOYFRIEND! Not some girl you have never met before and who did nothing wrong. Why do girls always take it out on other girls? Shouldn't you be angry with the man who betrayed you (not in this scenario, he did nothing wrong. Just in general) instead of a girl who doesn't know you? Then of course in typical girl move, to make yourself feel better you must hurl insults at the other women. Does putting someone else down magically make you feel better? (And in instances of cheating wouldn't that make you feel worse? She's so dumb/ugly/fat/whatever but he still picked her to cheat with) When I first read the messages I felt sad for this gal and tried to comfort her. The nastier she got, the less sympathetic I felt. (She was quick to inform me he called me "one of the guys" to reference how unattractive he found me. If she knew me at all, she would know I consider being one of the guys a compliment.)
The nail in the coffin for me was when she informed me it was MY fault they were fighting. Call me ugly all you want, but this sent me over the edge. Ladies. Exhibiting stalker ish behavior and then causing a fight with your boyfriend is NO ONE'S fault but your own. Did I make you read his messages? No. Did I make you then confront him about it? Nope. Did I log into your Facebook account and send myself hostile messages? Pretty sure that as also you. So I'm gonna place the blame squarely on you here chachi.
I know that jealousy is a natural emotion and we all can't help feeling it. But you CAN help acting on it. When you snoop, it's because you expect to find something. But like they say, people who eavesdrop rarely overhear flattering remarks. Put the phone down ladies and remember you are better than snooping! And if there IS something going on, he's not worth your time anyway!
I know this lovely lady doesn't read my blog but if she did, I would like her to know she cannot be mad I compared her to Snooki and then act like trash. And to my friend, if you are in fact reading this, you asked me to leave you alone for awhile so you could "fix it". Want my advice? You can't fix crazy...
While yes, it was immature of her to snoop through his messages and attack me, she did man up and apologize. And also at this time she was only SIXTEEN. You are allowed to be immature at that age. Fast forward to nowadays and it isn't so acceptable. I woke up this morning to a less than complimentary FB message (my how times have changed!) from a long time friend's girlfriend. I have never met this person but I had heard about her from my friend. In man friendships it is very common to give each other a lot of shit. He gave me some shit about my boyfriends and naturally I had to give him some back about his girlfriend. We both laughed it off, because we know it was all good natured. She apparently read his messages and did not feel it was good natured. She then proceeded to ask me while I stay in contact with "her man". (Side note I actively hate the phrase "my man". He's a person, not a pair of shoes)
So many things are wrong with this entire situation. First of all, don't read other peoples messages. Nothing good can ever come of that. And I am vehemently opposed to the snooping through of your boyfriends'/girlfriends' messages. If you don't trust someone else enough to not creep through their messages then you obviously shouldn't be with them. If for whatever reason you accidentally peruse their messages and come across messages from the opposite gender you are ONLY allowed to be mad if the message contains something like "Thanks for the sex last night!/BJs later today?/You're so much better in bed than so and so". You are NOT allowed to be mad at messages like "I really miss the fast food/junk food in MA" or "I'm happy that you think you're girlfriend is a keeper! You deserve it!"
Then, once you've snooped and discovered something that apparently fills you with rage the next logical thing to do is to talk it out with YOUR BOYFRIEND! Not some girl you have never met before and who did nothing wrong. Why do girls always take it out on other girls? Shouldn't you be angry with the man who betrayed you (not in this scenario, he did nothing wrong. Just in general) instead of a girl who doesn't know you? Then of course in typical girl move, to make yourself feel better you must hurl insults at the other women. Does putting someone else down magically make you feel better? (And in instances of cheating wouldn't that make you feel worse? She's so dumb/ugly/fat/whatever but he still picked her to cheat with) When I first read the messages I felt sad for this gal and tried to comfort her. The nastier she got, the less sympathetic I felt. (She was quick to inform me he called me "one of the guys" to reference how unattractive he found me. If she knew me at all, she would know I consider being one of the guys a compliment.)
The nail in the coffin for me was when she informed me it was MY fault they were fighting. Call me ugly all you want, but this sent me over the edge. Ladies. Exhibiting stalker ish behavior and then causing a fight with your boyfriend is NO ONE'S fault but your own. Did I make you read his messages? No. Did I make you then confront him about it? Nope. Did I log into your Facebook account and send myself hostile messages? Pretty sure that as also you. So I'm gonna place the blame squarely on you here chachi.
I know that jealousy is a natural emotion and we all can't help feeling it. But you CAN help acting on it. When you snoop, it's because you expect to find something. But like they say, people who eavesdrop rarely overhear flattering remarks. Put the phone down ladies and remember you are better than snooping! And if there IS something going on, he's not worth your time anyway!
I know this lovely lady doesn't read my blog but if she did, I would like her to know she cannot be mad I compared her to Snooki and then act like trash. And to my friend, if you are in fact reading this, you asked me to leave you alone for awhile so you could "fix it". Want my advice? You can't fix crazy...
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