Shit I Wish Guys Knew

  I know, I know. This blog is supposed to be about the deranged things women do. And trust me, there are a lot of things I can write about. In the past six months or so I have seen a wide variety of crazy lady behavior. And don't worry, those stories are coming...
      Today's post was inspired by my foray into foreign dating. South American men, for example, will have no problem putting you out there. I know a guy who calls his wife "mi gorda". Is she a little chubby? Yes. Would I kill my husband for calling me "my fat girl"? HELL YES. But lest you think this happens with just foreign men, think back to any sort of "I cannot believe he just said that" moment you have had. Seriously men, what the hell were you thinking?
          So I have started us off, with a few that have been tossed out to me lately. Feel free to add your own!
1. "You have such BIG LEGS"
Yes this has been said to me. This has been said to me more than once, by more than one man. Do I have legs that tend to the largish side? Absolutely. But I like to live in a world where that is pure muscle and no one notices. These men completely shattered my illusion. (Three men in case anyone was keeping count. Three separate men have said this to me. All using the word BIG) WTF.
2. "I have never seen you without makeup"
In case anyone is just tuning into my blog, I am incredibly vain. If any of you out there with bills and responsibilities and real lives knew around how much I actually spend on makeup every month it would be repulsive. So needless to say, I wear alot. Not necessarily alot at one time, but a wide variety of looks and colors. Recently I came down with a fever and I was dying. I crawled into bed with wet hair (which really created it's own set of problems with my white girl fro) and no makeup. When my fella came calling later, he only managed a "how are you feeling?" before emitting his shock at my lack of makeup face. (Just to set the scene, I have naturally blonde eyelashes. BLONDE) Way to kick me when I am down babe. He should have just pretended he never noticed the difference.
3. "Do you have a pimple?"
This little gem was said to me during a long distance portion of my relationship. Did I have a pimple? Yes. Did I think it was noticeable via Skype? No. My beau quickly set the record straight about that. I was absolutely mortified and I think I managed to convince him that it was in fact, just something on the camera screen. But really, who SAYS that??
 4. The real lesson learned lately has been to never ask a Latino man if you look fat in an outfit, picture, etc. He WILL tell you.

I know that alot of time women bring it upon themselves by hinting around for compliments and looking for positive reinforcement. And yes, that is a little annoying and desperate. But GENTLEMAN, please for the sake of our egos, just tell her what she wants to hear and NEVER point out her flaws. Thank you from all of womankind.