I admit, I judge people based on their appearance. Not so much the things they cannot control about themselves, but outfits especially are a particular pet peeve of mine. So it comes as no surprise, that I have a "type" when it comes to men. There are things that I usually look for in a man. Tall and tan are definitely desirable qualities in a guy, in my opinion. (One of my close guy friends says my type is "asshole", but really that's more about what's on the inside) But I have non physical attributes I look for too. Someone who has a job. Someone who is presentable. I definitely need to be impressed by my guy. However, I don't think this is necessarily shallow.
I wanted to be attracted to the person I am with. What is the point of being with someone if you don't feel the urge to kiss them? Or worse, if the thought of kissing them repulsed you? What I think keeps me from being shallow though, is that I don't need EVERYONE to want my guy. I don't pick a potential mate based on how I think others will judge me for being with them. I will allow, that I have been proud of particularly good looking man-friends. That isn't to say I haven't been just as proud of the slightly less good looking ones, who were good people who treated me well. As far as wanting to be with someone who has a good job, I like to go out. I like to eat at restaurants, go to the movies and love traveling. And while I don't mind paying for myself, I don't want to be someone else's gravy train. (I've been there, done that. The sugar mama thing is not for me. There goes my future as a cougar) So anyone I want to be with, should be able to pay for themselves. Besides, laziness drives me CRAZY. Sitting on the sofa all day, playing video games, is NOT sexy to me. Get up, get ready and let's go somewhere nice. I am not saying be a metrosexual, because that is so not my turn on. I don't care if you are the least fashionable person out there, as long as your ugly clothes are stain free and smell nice. Anyone taking me out should respect me enough to make an effort.
Now there is a whole different breed of women out there. Many of them gold diggers. These women look at men as trophies and are out to bag the biggest and shiniest one. The harm comes in not when you are picking someone you think is hot, but when you only date people you know ALL of your friends think is hot too. Your dating goals should never be to strike envy into the heart of women everywhere. And while of course, you think your man is as hot as Brad Pitt, don't only deign to date men who look only like Brad.
Even if initially you are dating someone, you may not be shallow about them. But as time goes on you begin to criticize how they do their hair and subtly replace their wardrobe. And THAT is shallow. Changing everything about someone so they meet your criterion is not fair. Just because you think baseball caps are scrubby, doesn't mean your guy should never wear them again. I know most guys aren't too thrilled about baggy sweatpants. But try taking away a PMS-ing chick's sweatpants and true rage comes out. If men can deal, so should you. It would be like dating a guy who will only take you out if you are wearing your makeup exactly to his standard and wearing clothes he picked out, even if you hate them.
You want to find someone who you think is the best in the world. And if that includes his daily wardrobe of sports' Ts then more power to you both. Just don't ban his Ts because your friends don't like them.
For me, it's not so much being shallow, as having standards. And who says that is a bad thing?
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