Monday, June 18, 2012

Shit I Wish Girls Knew About Kisses in the Basement

           I generally like to believe that I am smarter than most people. (Probably because, I really am smarter than most people. Sorry America.) But as much as I tell myself I do, I don't actually know everything. To that extent, my male friends have been giving me topics to write about since I launched my blog and everytime I tell them "guest write an article". Being the lazy layabouts they all are, as you can see, that hasn't happened. The other day when I was having a discussion with my good friend B, she was dropping all kinds of knowledge on me. And it hit me like a lightening bolt. Why haven't I been asking female friends to guest blog? They may know about different topics than the guys, but no less important. So with that said, I welcome you to my first ever guest written blog, by the lovely Miss B.
(Note: Anything that comes next, I have not written)

          We all know girls get a little self-conscious when it comes to boys hanging out in their basement. Does it smell weird? What have I eaten recently? Will things taste okay? When was the last time I went pee and have I taken a shower since? Have I maintained things like I should? Etc… the list can go on and on. The anxiety that often comes with these questions has left girls with a lot to be desired. Those girls can be separated into two groups; those who have never had the experience of someone going down on them and those who are way too concerned to relax and enjoy it… and let me tell you, it’s definitely something that should be enjoyed.
           The most important thing a girl should remember is that if he doesn’t want his face in your lady business he’s NOT GOING TO PUT IT THERE! I promise if for any reason at all he doesn’t feel like taking a trip downstairs he’s not going to. It’s also important to remember that if he doesn’t want to there isn’t necessarily a problem with you. Just like you they sometimes just don’t feel inclined to do it.
     However that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that you should be doing that might encourage, or at least not prevent, him from feeling “friendly.” You don’t need to be obsessive compulsive about your peeing/shower schedule. As long as you’re practicing good personal hygiene and using toilet paper you’re going to be fine. If you think there’s a possibility of things happening you can always use a little water to clean yourself up when you use the bathroom. If there’s anything too funky going on down there, smells or whatever, you’re probably going to know before it even becomes an issue. Don’t worry about tastes; generally speaking most guys enjoy the way a girls arousal tastes and smells. As far as maintenance goes as long as you’re not growing a garden he’s probably not going to care. If you’re that concerned get ask his opinion on “hair styles.” I guarantee he has one and once he sees you with it he’s going to go crazy. If that’s too direct, for you there’s always the bare option.
      So ladies what have we learned today? A little personally hygiene is really all it takes to make sure kisses in your downstairs run smoothly, unless of course you picked a bad kisser. Unfortunately you often don’t realize that until it’s too late. Let go of all that anxiety and give your sexy man friend a tour of your basement. Who knows, he just might like the scenery.

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