I have a big ole lesbian crush on Jennifer Lawrence. In a big way. More than my actual ex-lesbian best friend's crush on Ellen DeGeneres (and trust me, I was forced to watch her stand up a zillion times, it was pretty substantial). Yes she is beautiful and gives hilariously blunt interviews, but mostly I find her opinion on body image refreshing and amazing.
I have a thing for a guy. I haven't made a move on said guy, being too chicken. Today I came to the realization it is because I am not comfortable with my looks lately. I've moved from an environment in which it was acceptable and expected to be in heels and dresses almost every time I went out to extreme Hippyville. Here beards and plaids are the norm (and that's just for the ladies). I told my roommate that I haven't quite adjusted my standards yet and as a result I wasn't feeling confident in my allure. I couldn't pursue someone and expect them to find me attractive, since I didn't even find myself attractive. I thought this was perfectly reasonable. My roommate told me it was shallow and vain.
At first I was righteously indignant. It's neither shallow nor vain to take pride in your appearance. In fact, I decided to get a jump start on my resolution and take this week to work on my fitness. I sat down ready to read some inspirational fitness online. While perusing the current news I came across an interview with Jennifer Lawrence. In it, she goes on at length about body image and how mad it makes her the way we put down women's bodies as a society. It infuriates her that we focus so much on appearances. By the end of the article, I realized it was true. No matter how much I have to offer I was still too hung up on my own view of beauty. But it dawned on me, it wasn't my opinion of beauty, it was society's.
So I am going to work on it. I know logically I bring other things to the table than walking pretty in high heels. I just need to remind myself. I still am going to work on my overall healthiness and get in better shape, but I am going to do it for me. And hey, maybe this was the push I needed to man up and finally make a move on the guy...(Since J.Law isn't returning my calls ;) )
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