Shit I Wish Girls Knew About Being Helpless

       I was driving to Tennessee once by myself when my tire popped. I pulled over and thankfully another woman pulled over right behind me. She got right out and got to work, helping me change the tire. About three minutes in the creepiest man ever pulled over. He was in overalls covered in unidentified muck, smelled and generally was just a sketchy dude. There were various creepy knives and tools in the back of his pick up. He offered to help, but thankfully we pretty much had it all done. He wouldn't go away and just continued to linger until we finished, despite us both telling him we were okay. The lady even had me follow her to the gas station where I could get a new tire, because she was from the area. I am so grateful to her, because without her I would have been completely at that man's mercy. I would have been unable to change my tire on my own and stuck. He may have been a very nice man, but then again, he may not.
       I now know how to change my tire and do basic car functions. I prefer not to do them myself but if I am in a jam I need to know I can get myself out. Cars are not the only things people should know how to deal with on their own. Some others are:

    1. How to change a light bulb or restart a fuse- I got electrocuted once when I was about eleven. It wasn't anything serious, just enough to freak me out about changing bulbs for the rest of my life. Now I am at the complete and utter mercy of whomever I am living with (or whomever I can rope into doing it if I live alone). Ditto for restarting a fuse switch. I am not entirely sure how, so I just don't, to avoid making it worse. It would be nice to be able to depend on yourself, because trust me, it is no fun navigate a dark room for a week, until someone else will change your lamp.

    2. Being a good house guest- This one may not necessarily be preventing you from "helplessness" but if you are a terrible house guest once, you will never have a place to stay again. So it saves you from a big hotel bill. There are things I would have thought no person would have to be told, but after having a two week house guest from hell this past winter, I fully embrace that assuming makes an ass out of you. If someone is letting you stay with them, clean up after yourself. Do not leave your food strewn about on the counters or dirty dishes scattered about the living room. Even if someone else that lives there does it, it is not okay. Now it is just a bigger mess for the person who has to clean up after both your asses. If you are staying on a pull out or a regular sofa in the main living room, clean your bed up daily. Remember this is a common living space. And most importantly, be cordial. Even if there are roommates you don't know or didn't come to see, make an effort, because living in the same house for two weeks is awkward for anyone. Especially surly strangers.

    3. Use a map or take good directions- Last week I left my friend's apartment in a town I don't live in and when I had gotten just far enough away that I couldn't safely navigate my way back to his place for directions, my phone (with GPS) died. I genuinely had no clue how to get where I was trying to go and ended up getting there on the power of prayer alone. I used to have a map book in my car, but when I got a GPS I took it out. I would have gladly stopped at a store to ask for directions, but I was stuck squarely in a residential neighborhood and couldn't work up the nerve to knock on a house door. It is important to understand basic map reading skills because there are times when you can't get a signal or your battery dies. And when someone is giving you verbal directions, it is a good idea to write them down. So keep a pen and paper in your car!

    4. Basic first aid- Ever since I got my AED certification I have always morbidly hoped to witness someone having a heart attack. I really want to be able to yell "clear" and hit someone with those paddles. I know that it is extremely unlikely but I live the dream. But even if you don't one day imagine yourself in this situation, it is good to know basic first aid. I recommend taking a course and getting the certification, but if you can't afford that, look up courses that are just how to, without the credits. You never know when an emergency might strike or where you will be!

    5. Making and keeping a budget- I live for the day that a fabulously wealthy man comes and rescues me from my middle class lifestyle. Then in addition to all kinds of charming household help, we can also have an accountant who will keep charge of the hundreds of thousands I receive in my just because budget for the month. Until that sainted day, however, I am stuck schlubbing it out with a budget. For people like me, who aren't paid every week, it can be really hard to plan for the longer term in between pay periods. That's why it is always a good idea to stick to a budget for things like groceries and toiletries. I even try to ration out how much I can spend on impulse shopping each month. This prevents you from using all your money in the first few days and living off Ramen for a month. (Unless like my old roommate, you genuinely enjoy Ramen)

    6. Doing laundry, fixing a button or a hem- A friend of mine made all of her formal dresses in high school. Not only did she save money, but she got to design exactly what she wanted and what looked best on her. While I know not everyone is Martha Stewart with a sewing needle, there is no excuse to not be able to sew on a button or repair a hem. A button has button holes. (Duh) This is basically a map of where to put the needle. Just pull it through as many times as needed for the button to feel secure! Ta da! And now you can even buy handy dandy pre-threaded needles in a variety of thread colors. Just in case that was your excuse. This past winter, I completely destroyed my work pants. I dragged the hem so ragged, a coworker told me I looked homeless. When it came time to turn my uniform in, I really did not want to pay the thirty dollars for ruining them. So I bought a needle and some thread and just took the hem up a bit. While not good as new, it was good enough to pass uniform inspection and the supplies only cost me about 5 dollars. Same thing with laundry. While it would be lovely to send it all out and get it back fresh and clean, it is far cheaper to do your own. And even if you live with your parents and mom still does it for you, what will you do one day if she is on vacation and you run out of clothes?

    7. Basic car functions- We have already covered the importance of knowing how to change your tire, but it is also a good idea to know how to jump start your car. At least once in your life, you will probably leave the lights on and drain the battery. Unless you have AAA (and plenty of time to wait around for them), the best thing to do is just whip out the jumper cables and charge it back up. It is also a good idea to know how to add windshield wiper fluid, antifreeze, oil, etc to your car. You can find the instructions in your car manual or ask a mechanically inclined friend to show you how. Also, it is a good idea to know how to drive a standard and an automatic. While it is easy to find the car of your choice these days there may come a time, (such as an emergency or a scary boss at a greenhouse forcing you) when you have to drive a stick and trust me, an emergency is not the best time to learn.

    Now I must admit, while I do know how to do almost everything on this list (okay you caught me, I STILL can't drive a stick) there are times I certainly choose not to. I hate driving. Any time someone offers to drive me somewhere, I jump on that offer. I once flirted with the Autozone worker so he would take his break and put oil in my car. I usually wait for my dad to fix the wiring or lightbulbs, because I don't want to blow up. I don't think I have ever put air in my own tires.  (I won't even weedwack, because I have an irrational fear of losing my toe) But these are all my choices. It isn't because I am not prepared. Contrary to what Disney movies would have you believe, there is not always some prince or charmer there to help you out. And really, the helpless act isn't all that cute when you aren't Snow White.