I was once romantically interested in someone for four years. (Yes, I know, pathetic. Thank you for the interweb judgement) Crazy as it seems, I really felt that if I continued to give this guy my all, one day he would just wake up and realize how much he wanted to be with me. I did everything I could. I cooked, cleaned, was sweet, gave great gifts and went out of my way to be supportive. In a shocking twist (okay I can be wry about it now, but was actually genuinely shocked at the time), he never did wake up and want to be with me. This message finally broke through to me when he got another girlfriend.
One would assume that Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me" regaining popularity with Adele's recent cover would get the message across to ladies worldwide. You cannot make someone have feelings for you. Unfortunately, there is no magic love potion or secret to it. Ladies are programmed to thinking if they want to be with someone and that person doesn't reciprocate feelings, it is because of some lack in them. It isn't. It isn't about what you could be doing better, or could be doing more of.
You cannot create feelings. A relationship with someone is compromised of an attraction- both physically and mentally. A physical attraction is very important. I have known many great guys, who I genuinely care for. But unluckily, I couldn't force the physical attraction. And it isn't about becoming what you think the other person finds attractive, they have to want you for you. A mental attraction is liking the personality behind the face. You can find someone hot, but hate everything about them. You should never change your personality to suit someone else, because it will never be a real relationship and it will end poorly.
Sometimes, one finds themselves in a relationship where the other person isn't as invested. The common thing to do is step up your game and try to win them back. But once someone falls out of love, you shouldn't have to force them back in. It should never be a battle for your boyfriend or husband to love you. If they don't, as painful as it is, you need to accept it.
All that being said, there are situations in which friendship grows into something more. But that is a genuine friendship where the person knows and loves who you are. Not what you can do for them. Don't be someone's doormat. Love yourself enough to find someone who loves you and stop trying to make it happen with someone who doesn't.
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