I am not a jealous person. (Those of you who know me are thinking YES YOU ARE! And to some extent I am. I really envy people with great hair, nice shoes and the ability to fit their normal sized breasts into cute T-shirts and tops.) As previously mentioned, I have mostly dude friends and so I think it is really hypocritical if I were to ever tell someone they cannot have or hang with female friends. Also I subscribe to the notion (will expand on this further in another post) that if you harass someone about cheating, they may as well do it.
So I am continually baffled by girlfriends who are Gestapo-like in their patrol of their boyfriends relationships with other females. We all know that cheating is a reality. But it is also a reality that not every man and every woman in this world are attracted to each other. (If that were the case, it would be a lot easier for me to find a potential life partner) You want to believe that your man is the sexiest, funniest and generally all around best guy there is. So naturally every other female out there MUST be a predator, trying to steal this paragon from you. Where does this lady logic come from? It always confuses me most when one of my friends gets a new girlfriend and she is immediately on the defensive. Okay yes, I will admit, I am not the most likeable and genial person there is BUT if I wanted to sleep with/date/be with your guy, wouldn't I have gone for it before he got a girlfriend? Maybe in the 2-10 years that I have previously known him?
Two of my guy friends have grown up together. I don't remember which one I met first, but my friendship with both has always sort of been linked to the other. And for pretty much the whole time I've known them, they have been in a relationship (not with each other). But for two good friends, their taste in women could not be any different. Girlfriend A is a tomboy, and while shy may not be the word to describe her, she is reserved. The word to describe Girlfriend B is unfit to use on the interweb by a lady such a myself. A took a while to warm up, as in years (and even then I think we bonded over our mutual disgust of B), but even before we were friends we were friendly. I always had a respect for her. I only met B in person very seldomly, but there was some passive aggressive Facebooking on her part. And when we did meet up, she would tell her boyfriend how rude I was to her. (Because apparently in her world when you wave to your friend's girlfriend and she ignores you, YOU are the one being mean) These two are sterling examples of the two different approaches to handling female friends.
Unless you are a foreign dictator, you really have no cause to "defend your territory" and yet so many ladies view female friends as adversaries. So much of our conversations are dominated by "my" man, "my" boyfriend etc. But in all these ownership terms people come to forget that the man in question is his own person. He has a right to his own friends. If some of those friends happen to have lady bits, it's not the worst thing in the world. Different people bring different qualities to the table and friendships exist for a reason. Maybe the bombshell you are oh-so-jealous of is the only one who will discuss NASCAR and burp with him. That doesn't mean he wants to marry her.
Even if a guy does secretly have a thing for one of his female friends, one of the worst things you can do is alienate her. First of all, if you have just started dating someone and you are trying to limit how much time they can spend with a lifelong friend, who do you really think they are going to choose? And to me, the most obvious reason to befriend your guy's gal pals is this: No one wants to screw over a friend. If you have a mutual respect and genuine liking for someone you are far less likely to steal their man. However, if you are a nasty, unlikable person then there is NO REMORSE to be felt trying to convince your friend to dump her at every turn.
Just ask (ex) Girlfriend B.
lol, just ask ex-girlfriend B. niceee.
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